Day 26

The little stresses kept getting to me today. Probably because I had a lot going on today. I think that baby girl has officially decided that she is going to be a contemporary artist. I took her to a little preschool group today and she was so adorable. We made cute little crafts and she decided that she liked the modern contemporary style and she would change whatever we were working on to fit that style. Well it was rather humorous that we walked because while we walked there the weather was nice but on the way back it decided to snow. I mean blizzard it isn't going to stop type of snow. Thank God for good friends who are sweet enough to offer a ride. Near the end of today, I was feeling a little overwhelmed with all the housework that needs to get done plus all my other things. But my husband just sat and held me so that I could recollect myself. I think I'm still going to put it all off till tomorrow. I'm just too tired. Besides my living room is clean, I think I can live with the rest of the house. love you all!

Day 24-25

I've been having a hard time staying positive. There's a lot of wear and tare that goes on in life and after a while, I start to feel like I need a little breather. So what do you do when life wears you down so much that you feel like you can't take it anymore? Me, I pray. Because it's hard for me to open up to anyone. Sometimes I do feel completely unforgiving of myself, like everything I do is wrong. So what then? Do you just try to see the good and positive within yourself? Is that what it means to be self-forgiving?
The good I did today was I crocheted, I fed my baby girl, and I cleaned my home. That's it. So why don't I feel any self achievement? Must I, as a woman, feel like I need to do some sort of super hero type of activity in order to feel accomplished? What do I take satisfaction in? What then, makes me feel like I accomplished something? I really have to stop and think about these questions because with some them, I honestly don't know. I don't know what gives me that sense of accomplishment. I guess I get it when I create something. I will say this, however, when I get this way I try to stop, take a step back, and simply say thank you. So that I can feel satisfaction for all those things that I do have and so that I can say thank you God, for helping me get this far. And then I press forward, with a lighter back and a happier smile. That's when things seem just a little bit better. I just try to remember that God is with me as long as I am doing my part. Love you all!

Days 19-23

I've been sick. A fever-sore-throat-chills-fatigue-cramping-muscles-headache type of sick. It was a really weird flu. It came on Wednesday for a visit and decided to stay until today when it packed up and left. The worst house guest ever. I'm fairly sure it was some kind of mutated flu virus thingy. Anyways, baby girl some how made it through without getting sick and thanks to an amazing husband and visiting teacher, I also was able to make it through. Although, my apartment didn't. Sadly, when I woke up this morning my apartment desperately needed a makeover. So that's what it is going to happen this week. Yay! To tell you the truth, I'm actually a very bad sick person. When all I can do is sit around or sleep because I'm physically unable to stand, I throw a fit. Not literally but in my head I do. So this week was rather rough on all three of us (well four if you include the apartment). But through it all I was able to see God's helping hand. It came in the form of: my visiting teacher who was kind enough to take some time out of her day to come over and watch baby girl so that I could get some rest; my husband who called to make sure I was actually eating and taking stuff to help me with the symptoms; and my baby girl who always had a smile for me. But I still had to work at being positive or rather hopeful that it wasn't going to last and would be over soon. Some days were more rough than others and I always felt exhausted. But I learned a lot about myself. Namely, that certain learning circumstances need to happen in order for us to be able to learn. Like when I make a mistake or when I get sick. I feel like life is just a full opportunity for us to learn and grow from. That all the experiences that we have in this life happen so that we can learn from them and in so doing, grow. I feel like the main thing that has happened to me during this week is that I have drawn closer to God and my faith and trust in Him has increased. It was through the smallest things too. Like the first day I got sick (and I was really sick, it was the worst day!), baby girl was very happy, very playful and I mainly just sat on the couch and watched her. She is a toddler and I completely expected her to get into some sort of trouble. But no, she was fine. She made a few small messes but nothing I had to really stress about. Is that God's hand at work? To me, yes! Yes it is! It is those small things, that seem of almost no consequence that His tender mercies come. And we can only see them if we look.  I think this picture painted by Greg Olsen shows best what I'm trying to say:

The smallest things matter!

Anyways, I can say with confidence that this week will be better. I'm going to be better! I'm going to think positive! Love you all!

Days 17&18

So yesterday, we were having technical difficulties with the computer and internet. It was also during that time that I got a nasty light sensitive migraine. But today was better. I was productive. I got my house cleaned, dinner made, we even went to the library. Baby girl was really happy with all the new books she got. So altogether it's been a couple of pretty positive days.

Day 15&16

OK, so another grumpy day, but let me tell you about it. But first a little something about yesterday.  Yesterday was great. I went to my sister's place and we went shopping and I got my laundry done. Plus she really cheered me up after having an extremely stressful week. On the downside, Andre worked until 6 yesterday, but he got today off! So now for the scoop on today.
I woke up at an early 7am to an unruly teething baby. Needless to say I wasn't too keen on getting up, (I like my beauty sleep, thanks) tending to baby, making breakfast, getting ready for church, etc, etc. . .
Sometimes all I feel like I ever do is work. Well when we did eventually got to church we sat by an extremely sweet lady who was kind enough to let baby girl play with her and get in her purse while I had a bit of a melt down. Thank God for angels. So then it was on to primary and surprisingly enough I had three really good kids today. They were all really sweet. When church finally got out, baby girl and I were both starving and unfortunately, Andre had a meeting for his calling. So I went home without him. By this time I was just getting more and more cranky but God gives us all tender mercies. This one happened to take the form of two very sweet home teachers. I simply felt loved because they just came over and sat and talked with us. It was just nice to know that they care. When they left, God still wasn't through with His quiet tender mercies. I then got phone calls from both my mom, my sister, and my granny. So you think that after all that I would be feeling a lot happier, right? Nope. I wasn't as grumpy but I was still feeling a little disgruntled. So His final tender mercy came from my sweet sweet husband.  He sat me down and we talked. We talked about today, what we learned, we talked about what was going on, what was going to happen within the next couple weeks. Now let me backpedal a couple of paces and tell you why I was so upset: 1) we have been having a lot of financial difficulties, 2) Andre has to work 12 hour shifts, 6 days a week for the next 3 weeks (maybe it might be longer), and 3) because of all said above, I was feeling really angry with God. I was feeling angry with Him because I felt like He should be blessing us. Hey, we've been paying our tithes and fasts, we've been being obedient to the best of our abilities, we've been kind, we've been serving others, so where were the promised blessings? Does He not promise us that He will pour out the blessings of heaven that there will not be room enough to receive it? That's how I was feeling: just angry. So Andre turns to me and simply says "If you feel so angry with Him, why don't you get on your knees and tell Him?" That's it. That's what it took to make me feel happy again. The biggest reason why that struck me so hard is because I know that God hears and answers prayers; and I know that He hears and answers my prayers and I knew He would hear me. That's why I felt so relieved and so much better: because that knowledge gave me hope! Anyways, I love you all! ttyl

Day 14

Ok, so today I was still feeling the side effects of yesterday and as a result I was a little cranky. And I really didn't want to babysit today. I had a fairly bad mood until my sister called. Then I felt a little more cheerful. She has that effect on people. Baby girl has this new thing where she flutters her eyelashes to try to get out of trouble. It's so cute. We had tomato soup for dinner tonight and who knew that it doesn't go over so well with a one year old. She had it everywhere! In her hair, in her ears, all over her arms, everywhere! So she got a bath and then went to bed. But she enjoyed her bath. She also has this new thing where she will throw something on the floor and then wait for me to pick it up. Then once I pick it up she say "thank you" and then throw it on the floor again.
Till tomorrow! Love you all!

Day 13

I am exhausted. Physically and mentally exhausted. I watched two 3 month olds and only got 5 1/2 hours of sleep last night. I'm not even sure why. I just couldn't sleep. I honestly thought I was going to have a mental break down. But my hubby, I thank God every day for him, helped me a ton today. And he put the child's locks on the cupboards so that baby girl couldn't get in them. That's all I can write tonight. Love you all.

Day 12

So today I realized something. While it's really good to be positive, there's still a need to have a reality check on occasion. In other words it's good to see and look for the good in life but I still need to be careful and watchful so that I don't get a blind sided by reality. Because reality is depressing especially when it sneaks up on you. So today I was feeling really lazy cause I just didn't want to do anything except watch TV. In fact just before I wrote this, I was feeling terrible because I felt like I was being lazy. But then, my kind and loving husband pointed out to me just how much I did do today versus how much I didn't. He said "before you go telling yourself that your a lazy person, ask yourself, how much did you did do today?" To me that was a very profound question and one that I really do need to think about.
Today, I was tired because I was up at 3 am (I woke up at 3 because baby girl decided to complain about her teething) and I stayed up late last night with the hubby. But I was still in a pretty good mood even though I had a little baby throw up all over me. Mostly I was just admiring how smart my little girl is. She kept throwing her potatoes on the floor and Andre would tell her no don't do that. So then she waited till he left the room to throw the her potatoes on the floor. It made my day. That and she has been walking like crazy! Till tomorrow! Love ya all!

Day 11

So today I had to finally admit that my little baby is no longer a little baby. (Sad face) She is a toddler. She no longer fits into her 12 month sizes no matter how much I think that she does. I officially had to bring out her 18 month clothes. Sigh. But it's good. Also, my daughter is a girl after my own heart. She loves shoes!!! I love shoes too. I had been storing some shoes with her clothes, and she wanted to try all of them on. It was so adorable. After we came home from running errands, I took her shoes off. She didn't like that very much and quickly put them back on her feet as best she could, which didn't exactly work. So I helped her. Then She decided to walk around the entire apartment with her shoes on. It was so funny. Luckily, she went to bed early tonight so I got to have a mini date with my husband. It was nice. Oh and yes, I was true to myself and did get some cleaning done.

Truth be told, today was not all hunky dory. I was feeling really down earlier this morning. So I decided to listen to a program that talked about gospel solutions to everyday family problems. Here's a link it had some really great insights: http://www.mormonchannel.org/gospel-solutions-for-families Anyways, while I was listening to the program, I just felt better. I felt hopeful. I've been thinking a lot lately about hope and how in today's world it is so easy to just go without. Now for me, I get really depressed whenever I go without hope. In fact depression is something that I've had to fight my entire life (which is one of the reasons why I'm writing this blog. It's been really helping me fight my depression). But whenever I start feeling like there is no hope, a certain scripture found in Either 12:4 comes to mind. It states, "Wherefore, whoso believeth in God might with surety hope for a better world, yea, even a place at the right hand of God, which hope cometh of faith, maketh an anchor to the souls of men, which would make them sure and steadfast, always abounding in good works, being led to glorify God." By just believing in God We can hope for a better world!! That in of itself gives me hope. And that is what makes me positive! Till tomorrow! Love you all!

Day 10

10 days already? I feel like I just started. So I woke up with my house clean and beautiful and I am now going to bed with it a disaster. But at least my baby is happy. Oh well. I didn't have to watch anybody's baby other then my own. Although I did get to see my friend's adorable little new born. I love new born babies. They have such a reverent feeling about them. Right now my little one is making a mess in my kitchen and talking to the items she is making a mess with. She really is very cute. Today was a lazy good day. Mind you, I don't feel very accomplished but hey, that's why we have tomorrow, right? So maybe I'll be more productive and clean a little more tomorrow. But what the heck, I'm going to enjoy today by spending time with my baby and giving myself a little time. And I'm not going to feel guilty about it because my daughter is only going to be this cute once. So I am going to enjoy her sweetness. So till tomorrow! Love you all!

Day 8&9 (oops)

Oops, skipped yesterday. So yesterday was actually a pretty good day except for this one little thing that happened at the very end of the day. That's when I didn't feel like writing. oh well.
So a little on yesterday. My mom came up from Mona and that was fine. We walked around the mall and we went to the church history museum. I got to talk and really bond with my mom. It was nice. It wasn't until after my mom left that my little problem came up. I'll just right now, I'm grateful to have a patient husband.
Because of what happened last night, I was in a really crappy mood this morning. And it being fast Sunday, really didn't help. But I did decide to fast today. Now, a little 101 on me: I am hypoglycemic and on top of that I'm still nursing. That essentially means that it really isn't a good idea for me to fast unless I'm really desperate. Today I was desperate. Last night, was a bit of a climatic point of a problem that has been going on for a while. I couldn't take it anymore. So I fasted. And something amazing happened today. I went to church and I just felt loved. I got hugged (my love language is touch btw: I love hugs) by more than one person. I had several people come up to me and just say hi and ask how I was doing. I am a little amazed of how much love I did feel today. God truly does send Angels round about us to bear us up. Especially when we need it the most. From my fasting and a lot of prayer, I was able to receive a much needed understanding of this problem. So now I feel better equipped with how I can deal with my little problem. I also was able to look at said problem from a very logical point of view. I was able to take a step back, emotionally, and come up with a working solution. I know that there is no way that I could have done that with out God's help. I am soo grateful for His mercy. It is through the power of His mercy that He answered my prayer and that He was really watching out for me today. I honestly don't think that I would have made it through without His help.  I want to shout out to my readers: THANK YOU! I'm grateful for all of you and your inspiring, simply positive comments! They mean a lot! Love you all!