Day 42

It's been getting harder to stay consistent with this whole blogging thing. But sometimes I feel like it's hard to stay consistent with just about anything. Last night I had a dream about a rat. A great big white rat that kept trying to get to me. Just so you know, I hate rats, mice, and any other type of rodent. I find them extremely disgusting. Needless, to say the dream kind of freaked me out. So when I woke up, I checked under my bed for any rats. There was none, thank goodness. Today was just a really good, sunshiny day. I got my house clean, Baby girl was happy to just run around and play. Oh and speaking of baby girl, her dad has taught her how to buckle herself in her car seat. So when we try to unbuckle her and get her out, she tells us no and then buckles herself in again and claps afterwards. It's the cutest thing. Sometimes, it's really hard not to worry and be afraid of the future and what it holds. (especially when you don't feel prepared) But it's during moments like those that I realize that I just need to be here, in the present. I need to hold on to that which keeps me going. Namely, my family. I thank God everyday for my wonderful husband and adorable daughter. They are my sunshine during those rainy days. So keep going. Love ya all

Day 39

I haven't been able to blog because of some unfortunate technical difficulties with the Internet and computer. Technology is a wonder. . .  Over this past week, my life has still been hard but I've been still trying to continue to accentuate the positive highlights of my days. One thing that I have learned this past week is that God gives us trials to test and try us. When we continue to press forward with faith, God gives us bits and pieces of understanding. But if we falter and let our doubts overwhelm us, we lose sight of everything and are consumed in despair. Another thing that has been on my mind as of late is this connection: when I have a positive attitude-I have more hope in the world around me-when I have more hope-it leads to an increase in my faith that God will continue to take care of me and my family-when I have an increase of faith-I have an increase in understanding-etc etc. . . .And that is what makes me a happier me. Yes, bad things continue to happen and will continue to happen but at the same time God will continue to bless me and bare me up so long as I don't turn my back on Him.
Today was a rough day. It was full of bad news and disappointments but you know I could feel God helping me through it. I don't know how else to explain how God makes some one's burden feel light. Perhaps it's just the realization that with every down there is an up. With every negative there is a positive. And that's what God's tender mercies are. Yes, we weren't able to get Andre's contacts but we were able to get a much needed oil change on the truck. So there you go. Have a positive attitude and gratefully turn your lemons into lemonade. Va La! Rant over. Love you all

Day 26

The little stresses kept getting to me today. Probably because I had a lot going on today. I think that baby girl has officially decided that she is going to be a contemporary artist. I took her to a little preschool group today and she was so adorable. We made cute little crafts and she decided that she liked the modern contemporary style and she would change whatever we were working on to fit that style. Well it was rather humorous that we walked because while we walked there the weather was nice but on the way back it decided to snow. I mean blizzard it isn't going to stop type of snow. Thank God for good friends who are sweet enough to offer a ride. Near the end of today, I was feeling a little overwhelmed with all the housework that needs to get done plus all my other things. But my husband just sat and held me so that I could recollect myself. I think I'm still going to put it all off till tomorrow. I'm just too tired. Besides my living room is clean, I think I can live with the rest of the house. love you all!

Day 24-25

I've been having a hard time staying positive. There's a lot of wear and tare that goes on in life and after a while, I start to feel like I need a little breather. So what do you do when life wears you down so much that you feel like you can't take it anymore? Me, I pray. Because it's hard for me to open up to anyone. Sometimes I do feel completely unforgiving of myself, like everything I do is wrong. So what then? Do you just try to see the good and positive within yourself? Is that what it means to be self-forgiving?
The good I did today was I crocheted, I fed my baby girl, and I cleaned my home. That's it. So why don't I feel any self achievement? Must I, as a woman, feel like I need to do some sort of super hero type of activity in order to feel accomplished? What do I take satisfaction in? What then, makes me feel like I accomplished something? I really have to stop and think about these questions because with some them, I honestly don't know. I don't know what gives me that sense of accomplishment. I guess I get it when I create something. I will say this, however, when I get this way I try to stop, take a step back, and simply say thank you. So that I can feel satisfaction for all those things that I do have and so that I can say thank you God, for helping me get this far. And then I press forward, with a lighter back and a happier smile. That's when things seem just a little bit better. I just try to remember that God is with me as long as I am doing my part. Love you all!

Days 19-23

I've been sick. A fever-sore-throat-chills-fatigue-cramping-muscles-headache type of sick. It was a really weird flu. It came on Wednesday for a visit and decided to stay until today when it packed up and left. The worst house guest ever. I'm fairly sure it was some kind of mutated flu virus thingy. Anyways, baby girl some how made it through without getting sick and thanks to an amazing husband and visiting teacher, I also was able to make it through. Although, my apartment didn't. Sadly, when I woke up this morning my apartment desperately needed a makeover. So that's what it is going to happen this week. Yay! To tell you the truth, I'm actually a very bad sick person. When all I can do is sit around or sleep because I'm physically unable to stand, I throw a fit. Not literally but in my head I do. So this week was rather rough on all three of us (well four if you include the apartment). But through it all I was able to see God's helping hand. It came in the form of: my visiting teacher who was kind enough to take some time out of her day to come over and watch baby girl so that I could get some rest; my husband who called to make sure I was actually eating and taking stuff to help me with the symptoms; and my baby girl who always had a smile for me. But I still had to work at being positive or rather hopeful that it wasn't going to last and would be over soon. Some days were more rough than others and I always felt exhausted. But I learned a lot about myself. Namely, that certain learning circumstances need to happen in order for us to be able to learn. Like when I make a mistake or when I get sick. I feel like life is just a full opportunity for us to learn and grow from. That all the experiences that we have in this life happen so that we can learn from them and in so doing, grow. I feel like the main thing that has happened to me during this week is that I have drawn closer to God and my faith and trust in Him has increased. It was through the smallest things too. Like the first day I got sick (and I was really sick, it was the worst day!), baby girl was very happy, very playful and I mainly just sat on the couch and watched her. She is a toddler and I completely expected her to get into some sort of trouble. But no, she was fine. She made a few small messes but nothing I had to really stress about. Is that God's hand at work? To me, yes! Yes it is! It is those small things, that seem of almost no consequence that His tender mercies come. And we can only see them if we look.  I think this picture painted by Greg Olsen shows best what I'm trying to say:

The smallest things matter!

Anyways, I can say with confidence that this week will be better. I'm going to be better! I'm going to think positive! Love you all!

Days 17&18

So yesterday, we were having technical difficulties with the computer and internet. It was also during that time that I got a nasty light sensitive migraine. But today was better. I was productive. I got my house cleaned, dinner made, we even went to the library. Baby girl was really happy with all the new books she got. So altogether it's been a couple of pretty positive days.

Day 15&16

OK, so another grumpy day, but let me tell you about it. But first a little something about yesterday.  Yesterday was great. I went to my sister's place and we went shopping and I got my laundry done. Plus she really cheered me up after having an extremely stressful week. On the downside, Andre worked until 6 yesterday, but he got today off! So now for the scoop on today.
I woke up at an early 7am to an unruly teething baby. Needless to say I wasn't too keen on getting up, (I like my beauty sleep, thanks) tending to baby, making breakfast, getting ready for church, etc, etc. . .
Sometimes all I feel like I ever do is work. Well when we did eventually got to church we sat by an extremely sweet lady who was kind enough to let baby girl play with her and get in her purse while I had a bit of a melt down. Thank God for angels. So then it was on to primary and surprisingly enough I had three really good kids today. They were all really sweet. When church finally got out, baby girl and I were both starving and unfortunately, Andre had a meeting for his calling. So I went home without him. By this time I was just getting more and more cranky but God gives us all tender mercies. This one happened to take the form of two very sweet home teachers. I simply felt loved because they just came over and sat and talked with us. It was just nice to know that they care. When they left, God still wasn't through with His quiet tender mercies. I then got phone calls from both my mom, my sister, and my granny. So you think that after all that I would be feeling a lot happier, right? Nope. I wasn't as grumpy but I was still feeling a little disgruntled. So His final tender mercy came from my sweet sweet husband.  He sat me down and we talked. We talked about today, what we learned, we talked about what was going on, what was going to happen within the next couple weeks. Now let me backpedal a couple of paces and tell you why I was so upset: 1) we have been having a lot of financial difficulties, 2) Andre has to work 12 hour shifts, 6 days a week for the next 3 weeks (maybe it might be longer), and 3) because of all said above, I was feeling really angry with God. I was feeling angry with Him because I felt like He should be blessing us. Hey, we've been paying our tithes and fasts, we've been being obedient to the best of our abilities, we've been kind, we've been serving others, so where were the promised blessings? Does He not promise us that He will pour out the blessings of heaven that there will not be room enough to receive it? That's how I was feeling: just angry. So Andre turns to me and simply says "If you feel so angry with Him, why don't you get on your knees and tell Him?" That's it. That's what it took to make me feel happy again. The biggest reason why that struck me so hard is because I know that God hears and answers prayers; and I know that He hears and answers my prayers and I knew He would hear me. That's why I felt so relieved and so much better: because that knowledge gave me hope! Anyways, I love you all! ttyl